My Immortal Commentary
by Absoul
Summary: This has been done before, but this timless classic story never grows old. A commentary on the infamous story: My Immortal.
1. Chapter 1 to 4: Goffic Clothes

_AN: Oh my god... I actually made my account almost solely for the purpose of making this. : P I've seen quite a few great commentaries of the story, and can't wait to do one of these while I think up the next chapter of my (somewhat) lame fan fiction. My Immortal is one of the most infamous fan fictions of all time, and I'm not going to lie: it's painful. It actually made me headesk to the point where I think I had received a concussion. It's so OOC it's hilarious, the spelling looks like a 5__th__ grader pounding letters on the keyboard, and the M rating… By the way, I'm going to be doing this in 4 chapter sessions. So this one is 4 hilariously bad chapters of her "story."_

_To end this author note, I plan on doing this for a while, as it seems interesting. I also hope that my dry and stupid sense of humor will entertain you. *End insanely long authors note.* Bold commentary is me, Italic is my friend who joined me, regular is Tara's. _

_If I owned My Immortal, I'd violently kill myself. My Immortal belongs to Tara, commentary belongs to me. _

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)** .** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **. **raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **This had HELP with spelling? Dear god.** U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way** That sure does roll off the tongue.** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpidtears** Limpid?** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)** Later.** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major hottie.** That's not creepy at all.** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.I have pale white skin. **Did you need to tell us that? You said you were a vampire, so we expected that.** I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **NOOO, really?**And I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots _Gotta dress for success_. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining**. **so there was no sun, **Thanks for pointing that out. I thought the sun came OUT during snow and rain. Thanks Ebony.** which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them _Watch out guys, we're dealing with a badass over here_.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! **What's with the dots? **

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.** *Spit take* WHAT? Since when is HE shy? **_My father will hear about this!_

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.** Ebony has friends?**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **Do I even need to answer that question?**

**This is like a car crash. It's so horrible you can't help but look. T_T **

**Chapter 2**

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **Trooltroollolol.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **Funny, I usually wake up in the backyard.** It was snowing and raining again.** It's called SLEET Tara. Say it with me. SLEET.**I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had _Yep, just a typical morning_. My coffin was black ebony _That's kinda redundant _and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on.I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **What is UP with these long, boring descriptions? I swear, I'm going to count from chapter 1 on about how many descriptions there are. 2 so far.**

My friend, Willow _Smith_(AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks _BACK AND FORTH AH WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH… seriously, that was way too easy _and opened her forest-green eyes. **How can you flip your hair and then open your eyes?** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **3.**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. "Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. "Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **I'm not a huge Harry Potter fan, but aren't the Slytherin rooms in the basement?**

"No I so don't!" I shouted. "Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said. "Hi." I replied flirtily.** I love how she uses flirtily for everything in the story. It could be something like: "Ebony! Your friend is in the hospital!" Draco said. "Oh that's terrible!" Ebony said flirtily. She even CRYS flirtily sometime later in the story. But, back to the story. **

"Guess what." he said.** This is a horrible story?**

"What?" I asked. _The suspense is killing me._

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. ** Poor MCR.**

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **CLIFFHANGER!**

**Chapter 3**

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **My eyes are bleeding…. **_So. Many. Red. LINES._

On the night of the concert** ,**I put on my black lace-up boots with high them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff** I'm a guy, and even I know what that's called.** on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists _Because, you know, everyone does that they feel a little depressed, right?_. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding**, Wow, that'll sure help your depression.** and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **4. **_Looking like THAT? Even hardcore goths don't dress like that._

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.** … This sentence makes fun of itself.** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).**5. **_Just…no_

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **How can you exclaim something in a depressed voice?**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **Wow Ebony, you're so cool.** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.** .. To where? Into the sky?** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte._ Clearly she hasn't been to an actual mosh pit. She wouldn't last 10 seconds._

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **.. Didn't you say that in the AN? **

"Joel is so hot." I said to Draco **Wow, saying that to a guy you like.. That's really nice. **pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad._ Can't imagine why…_

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music _"moshed to the music?"_. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.** Oh. My. God. For the love of all that is holy, Draco would rather stab a girl in the throat then do that. *headesk.***

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary **(Cutting out the unnecessary cursing.)**Duff. I hate that little *****." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.** Wow, I didn't know someone could have a blond face. **_It's called spray-tanning._

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs **I'm surprised they didn't attempt to murder you on the spot **and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! **SHOCK.**

**Hope you're enjoying the commentary so far. Because it's time for one of the most infamous chapters in the entire story. Enjoy! **

**Chapter 4- **

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY**.. You said in the first chapter it was Ebony... wow.** nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent!_ HERP DERP DURRR HUR DUYYY is all I see._ dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **K, sure…**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **After plunging to my death.**

"What the hell?" I asked angrily. **"Why am I not dead?"**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) **Again with the color contacts.** Which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.** How would eyes filled with evil and sorrow make you feel better?**

And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. _I accidentally the verb. _Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree._How do you make out keenly? _He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **Excuse me while I die laughing on the floor. **"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an o****. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then...** CLIFFHANGER**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU ***********!"

It was..._ DUN DUN DUN _Dumbledore!


	2. Chapter 2: The Madness Starts

_AN: I'm honestly censoring a lot of the curses that Ebony uses. Sorry, but I don't want to trip the censors, and I also hate her potty mouth. Don't worry, I won't cut out too much._

_My Immortal does not belong to me blah blah blah.._

**This **is me

_This _is my friend along for the ride

This is Tara's writing.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache** K then.** ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **If that was true, you wouldn't be writing this story. **_…what's a revoiw?_

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.** I want a T-shirt with that on it.**

I started to cry tears of blood**. Isn't that a medical condition?** down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sex in the Forbidden Forest!"** No, you just said that like three times.** He yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **Another line for a T-shirt.**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"** Bipolar much? **

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.** So you get in massive trouble and do something forbidden, but because Draco loves her, it's ok?**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels.**.** When I came out... **OMG MOAR DESCRIPTION. 5**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom,**You know, that's not creepy or stalkerish at all.** and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte _For no reason whatsoever, obviously_. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **THEN WHY ARE STILL WRITING.. Screw it. **_No, I refuse to give you a good revow!_

**Chapter 7**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple _Dying your hair like a baus_. **6.**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal**.** with blood instead of milk, **So you just randomly carry around blood? **and a glass of red blood. _Part of a balanced breakfast_. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.** Wait! Tell me more about your top!**

"B*****!" I shouted angrily _That'll show him_.** You go girl!** I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face** Does he have foundation on too?** of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that Iwas going down his face** Did he cry tears of blood?** and he was wearing black lipstick. _How manly_. He didn't have glasses anymore** Please, don't be who I think you're talking about.** and now he was wearing red contact lenses** Why do they all wear contacts? Did they all used to wear glasses?** just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore _Gee, I wonder who it could be… _. He had a manly stubble on his chin**.** **Ewww…**He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden …_in other words, ugly_. **Search up Joel Madden. You'll know what he's talking about.**He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. _WHAT? Girls don't get those? Blasphemy! _**7.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter,although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **GREAT JOB FOR RUINING HARRY POTTER.**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.** OH GOD NO. **

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. "Really?" he whimpered. **OOC alert!**

"Yeah." I roared. **Why would you roar that? Bipolar.**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me_RAAAAEEEPPP. _**Oh god not another "graphic" scene..** so I went away with him.

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws.** I'm guessing you wrote those good reviews. And would God really review this?** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! ** If you reported everybody who trolled this story, there wouldn't be any users left. **Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!** Name 1 problem she has. **

Draco and I held our pale white hands** You already said that like 7 times.** with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?)** Just because you're a Satanist doesn't mean that you're not a Mary Sue. **. I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. **Warning: this scene has wannabe graphic imagery! **

We started frenching passively_How do you do that? _and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra** Oh. My. Jesus. That sounds insanely uncomfortable **and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD S** (c is dat stupid?) **Yes. Yes. YES.**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an o**** when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... Vampire! _OMG PLOT TWIST_

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.** She's… actually spelling right! **

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.** *hyperventilates* **

"No, you idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"** Wow... Great thing to think off AFTER you've done that.** I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what_ A really big ego?_**.****C-C-C-combo breaker!. **but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.** So his room, located in the basement, is now right next to a classroom. Alright, seems legit. -_-**

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU ************!" I yelled. **Another line for a shirt. **

**Chapter 8**

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep! **Flassing... That's so my word of the day. **

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.** Why were guys doing all of that while classes were taking place? Hell, do you even GO to classes?**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **Ok, let's switch stories for no good reason, k? **She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on** Did everyone in this story have glasses at some point?** She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on **WHY WOULD YOU WEAR WHITE MAKEUP WHEN YOUR ALREADY PALE? **Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch **Why? **but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed.** Why did you switch to Hermione when you were talking about your boring goth friend? ** It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **I hate you so much.**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!"** Why do people in the story talk like old English teachers? **Snape demeaned **So you put her down? **angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.** How did you come to THAT conclusion? **

Everyone gasped. I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me _Because she's bipolar_. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony)** Nice plot device there. You sure aren't going to misuse that one. ** for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy f*****. **So everyone who's a prep is awful to you. K then. **We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah right! F**** off, you bastard!" I screamed _You use a lot of curse words? You must really know what you're talking about_. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility_ The hell is virility?_ to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **Your bust burst into tears? Wow, that's a good image to have in my brain.**


	3. Chapter 3: LOL WHAT?

I love how much she curses in these chapters. -_-

**Chapter 8**

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! _From masturbating too much? _and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! _I bet you haven't the slightest clue who Satan even is. You disgust me. _MCR ROX!** Not when you say it. **

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. **You JUST figured that out? You said it 5 times Ebony! **I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco._ Whoa, irony!_

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose **Just in case you forgot readers, he doesn't have a nose.**(basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was... Voldemort! _You don't say?_

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.**. **

"Crookshanks!I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **Wait, if you're a sadist, you would have enjoyed it, but you felt bad. So they cancel each other out. Thus, no feelings were felt. **

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **When did we enter Shakespeare?** I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.** So he was ugly.** I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **Draco JUST had a monologue about that. You don't need to tell us AGAIN.**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **YES!**

Voldemort gave me a gun. **Don't you have a wand already?**"No! Please!" I begged. "Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Shouldn't you kill him? He cheated on you anyway.**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-stupid look on his face. "I hath telekinesis **LOL My new catchphrase for when I do things wrong. **he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation** BUT HE IS ALREADY PAL- Screw it.** and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit)** why do you have a pentagram obsession?** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.** "Not while I'm in this story."**

"No." he answered. **Good.**

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **Ebony got expelled? Rejoice! Story's over! **

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. ** Isn't it hard to walk and make out at the same time?**

**Chapter 9**

AN: stup it u fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! ** Did you type this with boxing gloves?**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went** Some forgot to make verb?** to rehearsalswith my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar.People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **That sounds awful.** The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now.** WHY?** He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.)_ Despite all that, he is still a ginger_ and Hargrid.** Why him?** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak** I can't not imagine Ebony stabbing someone with a t-bone steak.**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride**. **I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **  
Hmm.. So you have 2 relationships going on, dress in short miniskirts and you wear a shirt that shows off your boobs. Kay then. **

We were singing a cover of 'Helena'** I think MCR would shoot themselves if they found out you put this in your story.** And at the end of the song I suddenly bust ** Why do your boobs constantly have tears? **into tears. "Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted **Concerted? **voice. "What do you think?" I asked angrily. ** Damn Ebony, how bipolar are you? **And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the bastard told me to kill Harry! But I don't want to f-ing kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't f-ing kill Harry, then Voldemort will kill Draco!" I burst into tears. **Potty mouth central. It actually sounds ok without the F bomb being dropped about 4 times.**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. _For some reason_ _this image makes me laugh._** Rape alert!**

"Why didn't you f-ing tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you f-ing poser muggle b*****!" (c is dat out of character?) ** Even when it's IN character it sucks. **

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive.** He's sensitive?** Then he ran out crying. **I imagine his "hawt" eyeliner running down his face. Hell, I bet Tara's "hardcore" makeup leaked into her brain. Only way she could write this. **

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely.** Can you really cry wisely?**__(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **You said earlier that vampires can't die by slitting their wrists.. -_- *hits head on the wall***

**The next chapter... is… just… wow.**

**Chapter 10**

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! **Take me srisly! **sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **Tara is quite ztupid. **

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her f-k off and I ran to my room crying myself.** So, your friend tries to help you, and you curse her out and run up to your room. That's certainly not BIPOLAR or anything.** Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **You need to get that checked out.**and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes** Your wrists got on your clothes?** so I took them offand jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **Did you get it from the kitchen, next to the ham? **I was so f-king depressed!** We couldn't tell.** I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. **How would you walk in those heels?** I couldn't f-king believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating** MASTICATING? XD** to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED!** You just said you put clothes on...**

ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.** That was random...**

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **I have this horrible image of Snape being pregnant… **

I took my gun **Because all 17-year-old vampires keep guns in their bathrooms.** and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. **How? **"Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom **That's funny, I thought you FLEW on broomsticks.** and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"** Even I know he isn't a student.**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **DRAMTIC PLOT TWIST**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.** I'M A POORLY WRITTEN CHARACTER!**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **I love elephants. **

"The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.** Clook? **

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him** …What?** and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.** No. Just, no. Gothic 50 Cent? WHAT?**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!" **That's not creepy at all. Way to add another love interest into this Ebony. **

***Violent headesk* **

**I must be a masochist, because I'm enjoying this far too much.**

**Chapter 12**

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat** Since when?** I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **.. Too. Much. RED.**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. **Teenage love. It's like a crappy rip-off of Romeo and Juliet.**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.** Wow, you know, that doesn't sound stupid at all. **

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me **You know, because everyone can do that. **and I always cover it up with foundation."** No offense, but you sound kind of like a drag queen with white foundation. ** he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage** Oh, how M-rated!**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's** Sounds like a great fruit store.** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those f-g pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz.** Ya don't say?** Dumbledore had constipated** Thank you for giving me the image of Dumbledore on the toilet.** the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.** Are you seriously too lazy to even write "very?" **

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I f-g hate the color pink anyway, **I now raise the question of why you had pink in your coffin **and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **Even though I just stated that they are in fact, roses. **

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene** …Wow. **and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)** Yes** to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .** I LiKe TaLkInG lIkE a TrOlL tOo**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!"** Io talko ino a bieno!**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep.** NO REALLY?**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?"

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **TROLOLLOLOL**u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **I love how most of your talk about him involves that comment you got about Dumbledore having a headache. **

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front.** LACE!**Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me **Very specific. I can just invision it. **so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so f off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.** So you put lip gloss and lipstick.. sounds like a clown.**

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit)** Yes Ebony, we understand you're a lonely wannabe emo kid hiding in your parent's basement.** you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood.** Sucking your own blood.. eww..** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair **I WHIP MAH HAIR BACK AND FORTH** of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.** I also said many things.**

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other** That image makes me laugh**.

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!"**!** **I'm so shouting that out in the middle of class** shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Vampire you f-r!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **BIPOLAR**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.** I could only see my pink teeth.**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.** Since when?**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!"

**Whoa… déjà-vu! **

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I

**NO I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE SWEATER IS NOR DOES CAPS LOCK MAKE IT SOUND IMPORTANT. **


	4. Chapter 4: My Chemical Ebony

Chapter 13

**Hey guys, I got some friends to help me with the commentary. ^-^ **

**Italic's for chapter 14 are legostickman, and for chapter 15.. I got fellow fanfiction writer Wolf Ness to help me. :D Enjoy!**

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom!** … Wow.** PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **I'll stop flaming when you learn how to spell. So, never. **

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" **Tick-tock-tick-tock DUMBLEDORE** we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?"** Gotta love the stupid and hilariously stupid-sounding insults. ** he asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn **Gosh darn it! **what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway.** You let him and Ebony go after he just said: Because I love her!**" then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **No, I in fact, do not. Didn't you say he was bi?**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. **BRAAAINNN-BLASSTT**"I had an idea!" he exclaimed.** What happened to it?**

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair.** Love the way you spelled that.**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"

It was….. Voldemort! ** GASPPP.**

Chapter 14

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! **You'd be dead LOONNG before that.** fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad. 

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted.

I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. **Why is the key blood red? Is there any point?**It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it.** That's borderline stalking, miss. ** He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire._ Eww._I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed.** Do you honestly enjoy drinking your blood that much?** Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **GASP! SHE ACTUALLY GOES TO CLASSES!**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy** Anarchy~ Everyone wants to be me~** on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. **Now watch out, don't poke yourself. Forgot you were a "badass". **Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **I lost count at 20.**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those f****r preps and posers fink. **Cue cheesy overused line!**Ur da most beautiful girl in the world.

Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna _Commit Suicide even more?_" Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death"** I wish I was dead right now.** (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! _Next time on Hogwarts Idol! _His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson** He gave me nightmares.** (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da f**k out od hr!) _Gladly._

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some f****g preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers at them."I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff and CMM in a Cinderella Story Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether **(**Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether. **No comment.**

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!  
_LOL because people who flame are automatically preps in her mind. Oh God no! Don't ruin that beautiful language! D:_  
Great, now she's assaulting another language. Didn't she already do that with English?

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection o_O That doesn't sound weird at it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I'm already gagging. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Who cares? Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,... Volsemort and da Death Dealers! GASP!

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" No, we couldn't tell considering the fact that you only said it about 20 times!  
_So she makes out with him and is all of a sudden angry for something he has no control over. WOW_

"What cause we...you know..." he gadgetted Gadgetted? uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. Um... Do you know ANYTHING about guys?

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice. _...WHAT_

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?" OMG PREP ALERT

"NO." he muttered loudly.

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me. *HEADDESK*

I was flattened By a steamroller I hope. cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!  
_Someone please kill me. _

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.  
B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl."_ Nooooo! Not the beautiful language!_ she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) Since when have YOU gone to class?

"It serves that f****g b***ch right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. _Halloween does not equal goth, dumbass_ "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.I hope you die too. :D

"Kawai." _No. No. NO!_ B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. _What?_ "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." Didn't you just say he was sent to Saint Mango's?

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence_ Contradiction!_ for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. Gamezz would be ashamed. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." Totally!

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up.

"WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" .. So she loves Hot Topic THAT much?

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). Biopolar ALERT!Or me.

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."_ Ring-ring! Ring-ring!_

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly. _Caps are usually for yelling not whispering._

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."  
We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs." **Yeah, because Hot Top carries stuff for ONLY goffs?**

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."_Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate_**  
**  
"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **That's borderline public nudity.**

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked. _Yeah because you can totally get free stuff from a store like that.  
_  
"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?" _Did your name change AGAIN?_

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!"**Wow.. Anger issues much?** I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CAST.** RIGHT THIS SECOND!**


	5. Chapter 5: Wavy Lines

Sorry guys, I haven't uploaded in ages. T_T

I thought, what better time to do a commentary at 11:00 in a crowded hotel room? :P

Enjoy.

(PS: I may have gotten the chapters wrong. I'll check and upload later. Thanks. :)

Chapter 17.

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! **Oh god, this is showing up as all red on MS Word. **u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! **Almost as good as the sweater argument by the way. **

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual).** OVERUSED PLOT DEVICE IS OVERUSED** Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you f-g bastard." Well anyway Willow came. **Where, dare I ask? **Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey b-ch you look kawaii." she said. **Oh mai god you guize, I look so kawaii desu with my sparkes and emo itemss~**

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. **What everything are you referring to? I'm quite curious .**She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots th at showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs** ...bobs? Really?** and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.** Only for the 100****th**** time Willow!**

"Yah." I said happily.** You are a poser wannabe goth. How COULD you be happy?**

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy** In your sick, twisted mind, yes.** and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. **That would scare me like crazy. **Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. **Warped TOWER? Are you kiddin... No, I give up. **B'loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. **Wow. Because you are in Slitherin, you are automatically a goth. Just, wow. Shoot me now. **He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. **WATCH OUT GUYS, DONT POKE YOURSELFZ **Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid f-g preps. We soon got there….I gapsed.

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! **I COULDNT TELL FROM THE LAST TIME YOU SAID IT! **He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. **His voice was.. foreign?** We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz.** Very descriptive **Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose **Oh wow. I wonder who this could be**. and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!** So naming my fan fiction that. By fat the best title. **

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!"

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife.** Why not just kill them with a wand?**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' **Oh lord. **on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE!** AND HE DIDN'T HAVE A HEADACHE THIS TIME! **


	6. Chapter 6: Formatting is Lost

AN- Same as older commentary, Friends are bold and underlined, I'm italic. Enjoy! :D

Chapter... 18 (?)

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! **AND I WASN'T LISTENING! **if u do den ur a fuken prep Way to pull one out of you're a*s… fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf.u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! _The Sweater has finally ended. Praise the lord._ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, _Sharrow?_ blood-bed_ I don't want to know where you got that…_ lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly._ Because, you know, showing your belly in school and wearing short skirts isn't really pedo bait._ I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. …Ouch… **And no bottom, I guess… **_OH GOD WHY!_

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth. **BWAHAHAHAHAHAH wut? **Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red._ Broom stuff? BROOM STUFF?_ There was lace all over it **.**Draco had a black MCR boom. _Oh, so he exploded! Party time!_ We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what a Linkin Park song. Wat **You had a Linkin Park song? I'm sorry, I didn't know what "what" was, unless you just missed putting "and" there.**

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. **That must have hurt… **_Did you fall on a cheese grater_**. **There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant_ So the wall had pants?_ underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys_ Because, wannabe emo bands are not posers gurrrrlll_

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, _My new way to spell that._ black fishnets and black pointy boots. **SHUT **Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighsand black boots and fishnets. **THE **Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. **F*****We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. **UP **The boys joined in cause they were bi**. PLEASE!**

"Those guys are so f*****g hot." Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. Navel? Is your belly button talking? He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. I He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black. So, he killed his rabbit while being black? **I know a guy like that, he's a convicted sex offender.**

"...DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort "Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?" "_I think a blind cat could do better."_

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads._ Disfusted? My new word of the day._ We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1. **I still can't believe you don't need to be reminded to breathe periodically.**

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes. WHY ARE YOU YELLING? **ALBERT IS BEST WIZARD. **_OMG YOU GUYS EBONY IZZ DA COLLEST WIZZZZARD_

"What a f****g poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. _So you peed in Trasformers?_** ~Transformers—emos in disguise!~ **We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard ***ba-dum tsss* **but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!"_When he's 30?_ Willow shouted. **Willow: confirmed tourettes sufferer.**

I was so f*****g angry.** Behold—a sentence with correct spelling and grammar.** Really? I couldn't tell under your terrible grammar._Wow…_

_Chapter 19__:_

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok. Are you just copying and pasting your ANs? I'm seeing a pattern… **Of what? Your lack of knowledge of the world outside your room? **11_ Aww, someone's sheltered! _ frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz **Yeah, that will be a fine way to spend your weekends…for the next 13 years. **!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod.** You mean mudblood? **so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. **The newest exercise craze: Dumbelldore! Only 3 payments of 19.99 plus tax. **_I'm just imagining a dumbbell with Dumbledore's face on it. _We were so f****g pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. _Wow! Only for the 300__th__ time!_ It had been postphoned, so we could all go. ***Insert comment about misspelling postponed here.***

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. _YOU cut classes?! Never would have guessed. _Draco was being all secretive_ o_O_ I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot. Well that escalated quickly… **I don't know any bi guys that act like this…**

"No one f****g understands me !1" he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes …I thought everyone had red eyes… like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz _Dudeee I love borken!_ **ALRIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? DRACO HAS PLATINUM BLOND HAIR AND IT'S BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS NOT BORKEN DREAMZ! And that was my fan rant. **He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) **OMG EBONY UR SOOO FUNY DESU!1** I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik _Wow, I bet you got some troll emails from that huh?_

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted._ Buy-butt- BUTT TRUMPET_

"You f****g ba****!"I moaned. _I'd comment about the correct spelling, but it's somewhat useless now._

"No! Wait! It's not what it f****g looks like!" he shouted.

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I'm sorry, what the f**k just happened? I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks **The menopause is strong with this one **and made cool tears down my feces_ XD_ like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois _Bet you got that from Skater Boi_ (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. WATCH OUT WE'RE DEALING WITH a badass over here… **LEGITIMATE BADASS. No but seriously, this girl never went further than a block from her house.**

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated in the rom.

_HEADDESK _"You gave me a f****g shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room. **Oh, you know, gurl stuff.**

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore. _DUMBLYDORE IS ALL NEW!_

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. "What are u wearing to the concert.

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped.

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. Stranger danger you guise **"I'm gonna lure them into my flying van" **"Anyway Draco has a surprise for u. _Inb4 awkward romantic square._


	7. Chapter 7: Bipolar is Enoby

**I'm flying solo this time. I'll be the bold. **

**Again, I don't own My Immortal, and if I did, I would go up to Raven and throw her sweater in her face and rip Tara's posters into bits. **

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fukof I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1no jus raven u fokiengrok prepz suk!1 **Wow.. Do I even NEED to say anything? It's like she had a spasm on the keyboard while wearing boxing gloves. **

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. **Boo-hoo, Scene kids and "goffs." Go and talk about rainbows and Draco and crap.** Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door.I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. **WHY WOULD YOU WEAR THAT?!** Then I gasped.

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula, and Willow! **My clothing senses are tingling! **

I opened my crimson was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. **Classy.** Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. **My burning question: wouldn't you just fall over trying to wear those? **Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans.Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirtand blak**. **jeans and a leather jacket.He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as f* sexy.** Because, you clearly think EVERY HOT BOY IN THE UNIVERSE IS GERARD WAY**Vampire looked like Joel Madden.B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage **Oh so her boobs are transparent? Mother of god… **with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words**. **and MCR lyrics on it kind of like the one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny)**THANNKS FOR THE UPPDATE GURRLLL DIDN'T KNOW THATTT** was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thingand black pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle. **I just have this mental image of both of them dressing like Enoby… Lace and all. *ohgodwhy jpg. **It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad wasa vampire. He commited suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor **.**He had r* them and stuff before tooThey all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. **Stanism? A new religion… I'll look for someone named Stan right away!**

"OM*G" I yielded**. **as I jumped up. "Why the f*k are u all here?"

"Enoby something is really f*ed up." Draco said.

"OK but I need to put my f* clothes on first." I shouted angrily. **Wow.. Bipolar much? **

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway.**. **Your so f* beautiful " Draco said in a s* voice. **Well, that was a short amount of anger. What next, you start crying and then you finish in a second?**

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective." **Clearly someone hasn't had "you-know-what" for a while.**

"I will**, **I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyesharow **What, did you use a sparrow with your eyeshadow? **and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Haland looked in from a widow. A f*ing prep called Britney from Griffindoor**. **was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hillary Duff t-shirt so we put our middle fingers up at her.**YOU T3LL TH3M!** **YO MY HOMIE SKILLET GO GET THEM. **Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD**.. **IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge. **GOSH DARN IT**

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge "YOU ARE TOO OLDAND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORTWILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt **By-bt-but-but BUTT TRUMPET**we cannot do this. There is only person who is capable of killing Voldemort**. **and she is in this school. And her name is….. Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." **DUN-DUN0DUNNN**

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire, and B'loody Mary looked at each other …I gasped….**Wow… Just… wow.**


	8. Chapter 8: Autocorrect is Useful

_AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1 _**What. **_Oh, I'm in for a goooood chapter… _**I GOTCHU CUZZZIEEEE**

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All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. **All Prepz.**Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped. **Holy s**t, good spelling? Unheard of-this must be fake **_WHAT, EBONY FOUND AUTOCORRECT!? THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING! _**December 21 came early I suppose…**

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!**...Smith.** I opened my crimson eyes. Willow was wearing Oh s**t here we go… a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as f-g sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. EVERYBODY LOOKS LIKE JOEL MADDEN B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage So her boobs were clear?with a white apron that said 'bich' You shouldn't leave the kitchen!and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too. She was weaving Go back to the kitchen a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. _THESE. GODDAMN. DESCRIPTIONS._So were Crab and Goyle. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. **I swear every f****g character in this has this same backstory. EVERY. F*****G. CHARACTER. **"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the f-k are u all here?" **BECAUSE ACCIENDATAL PREGNACY**

"Enoby something is really f- up." Draco said. **Yeah, the author of this abomination.**

"OK but I need to put my clothes on first." I shouted angrily. **Please, enlighten us with your extensive wardrobe for the 739****th**** f*****ng* time.**

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice. _In other words, we have to go, you'll be fine naked. _

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective." **Huehuehue **_Erective? Christ, someone make a book of all her adjectives._**Enoby likes that when they put their thingies in their you-know-what.** "I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. **** We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. A prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. **Pfff..**Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR **ALZHEIMERS** IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!" **ALL CAPS MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER**

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." **No, Dumbledork, WAIT. Your Alzheimer's is kicking in again! ****FORRRGGETTFULLNESSS**

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped. _The plot thickens… _**It can't thicken when the plot didn't exist to begin with, amrite?**

**Chapter 24**

_AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 raven fagz 4 di help! _**You need more help more that**

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Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions.**Clear Schizoid.**

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. _*Horrified face*_ She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. _You… Smell… So DESUUU.~ _She's da coolest teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. She's also haf Japanese **A wild weaboo approaches! It used vampire! It's not very effective **so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b'loody mry get along grate) She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it. **I DON'T GIVE A F**K.**

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?"

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. "Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?" **LIIKKKEEE RIGHT**

"Ho about now?" she asked. **Yes you are.**

"OK." I said.

"OK class f**** dismissed every1." Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit) **I geddit. **_Oh, you._1 on page 3."

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die. **Don't worry, he already committed suicide and LIVED.**

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.

"What do you c?" she asked. _What do you see with your elf eyes?_** Vitamin C?**

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." **That's probably just the design on all your clothes.**

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.

"Okay you can go now, see ya c****." said Proffesor Sinister. ****

"Bye b*****." I said waving. _Byepil._

I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited. **In more ways than one.**

Chapter 26.

_AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11_**Sureee! Keep Telling yourself that.**

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A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree. He was wearing a blak leather jackson, black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt. **You were spelling so well in the last 2 chapters, what happened? **_*The effects of autocorrect faded!*_

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob. **OBJECTION** Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened. _I sexily cried tears of blood on my boyfriend. _

"Oh **** it!" Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. **As opposed to? **"What di*k did that!" **Mine.**

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor." **In da club**

We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.

"Sire our dads have been shot" Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dreem." **DREEEMS**

Dubleodre started to cockle. _COCKLECOCKLECOCKLE. _"Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?" **Says Alzheimer's.**

I glared at Dumbledore. **LIVING LARGE **

"Look m********r." he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped _(c is da toot of crakter)_. **WHAT?!** "U know very well that I'm not decisional. **DELUSIONAL. THE WORD IS DELUSIONAL. D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N-A-L! GET IT RIGHT!**Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!" **Hue.**

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice. "Were are they?"

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon." I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. **How inciteful.** After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. _And then they exchanged places, and the cycle just continues_. We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed eyes. Then, we kissed. **And then they f-d. **_Well THAT escalated quickly…_Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on **LOL CAME GEDDIT**stretchers….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1 **DUN-DUN-DUHH!**


	9. Chapter 9: A Skip and Filler

Chapter 21

(AN)- Sorry for the wait, I'm going to skip a couple of chapters, as they add no change to the plot (... Er... To the non-existent plot...)

AN: f**k u ok! u f**kng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong _Mmmmmm… Yeah it is…_ ok koz dat b***h ravern cuz it f**k u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed! **U wot m8**

Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice.

"No I'm not u f***ing bitch!" he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. _These adjectives, I can't even…_ I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. **Don't worry, this is normal gofik behavior.**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better."

"U mean you'll go f**k him wont you!" I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too. **And then they f***ed.**

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den f**k of!) **I'm a homophone and I find this offensive.**

And then….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No f**k u you preppy little poser sun of a f***ing b***h!" **U cheeky c**t i'll punch u in the gabber m8 **Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way. _And suddenly… Implants! _

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. And then….Vampir frenched me! _BUT WHY._ He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"

"I guess though." Draco weeped. **No, I'm just bleeding profusely from my wrists but yeah, other than that, I'm fine. **We went back to our coffins frenching each other **It's…necrophilia!**. Draco and I decided to watch Lake **Flaccid **Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) _O mai gad so edgy _**ur mom iz deprezzin**_._ on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1 _Ebony developed Dimensional Scream!_


	10. Chapter 10: 2edgy5me

CHAPTER 23

AN: dhut da f**k up b****es!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz! _All of which are negative. Yes, I'm teeming with jealousy. _1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha! **Mother of god.. *eyes burning***

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The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us. _Can't tell if clever play on names or too stupid to spell actual names right. _**Sounds like the name of a lollipop.**

"MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her. **HONK HONK **

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. "She means hi everybody cum in!" _Hue._** Okkkkkk **

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup. Which are completely contradicting to each other.  Then I herd **Go sheep, go! ** someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother. _Boy, that escalated quickly. _**Bow-chicka-wow **

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.

"You f***ing bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to s**t next to her!1" _That h was placed way too conveniently to be an accident. _**Someone coping Cloud Mows the Lawn (don't look it up while eating, for the love of god. **We all have our morbid fantasies, don't judge XD

"No I do!" shouted.

"No she doesn't f***ing like u, you son of a b***h!" yelled Draco.

"No f**k you she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) _Oh, I'M the perv? _They started to fight and beat up each other. **How descriptive.**

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose **Wow really?! I couldn't tell **and was wearing a gray robe. And he had no nose. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that prep started to cry. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating _d**ks for the first time in my miserable existence_….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent….Volzemort!

"Eboby…..Ebony…." Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice. _"I'm in the wrong fan-fic Ebony…" _"Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!" **OH NOEZ **

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling.

I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way. _Cut my d**k off and call me Shirlena if ONE f**king character does NOT cut themselves "in a depressed and goffik way" in any chapter of this story._

"No!" I screamed sexily. **How does one "scream sexily?"** Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up.

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive. **Sure, he's the product of his env… hell no.**

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!" **…? **

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though."

"Ok b***h." I said sadly and den we went. _Cool story, s**t. _I smell bipolar. 


	11. Chapter 11: Black Nail Polish

Chapter 25.

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin _NOOOOO. NOT JUSTIN. _**That poor, mentally disturbed soul. **2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1

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I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. **Yet another goth gurll who cannot keep her hands off her boifriend. **We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car. _But first we went to Dumblydore's white van._

"Ebony what the ***** did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine. **All goth (manwomens) boiz were nail polish of course. **

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." I grumbled in a sexy voice. _Grumble or sexy voice. Pick one ._He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. _DUHHH HOW DO I DRUGZ?_ He started to fly the car into a tree. **Killing us both **We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR. **How sexy. **

"And all the things that you never ever told me And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in -my tool sexily. **I'd prefer "throbbing lance of manhood" or even "man-carrot". **

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. **…**We stated frenching passively. Suddenly… I fell asleep. _Wow…for someone who dresses as scantily as you, you're terrible at this. _I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair. _Because he's black?_ **So he shot them with his.. hair? (-_-)**

"No! Please don't f****g kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car. _He went down in history as a normal black guy._

"No! Oh my god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.** Different contacts?**

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. _Goddamn AT&T can call people in the middle of a forest but not 10 feet from my house? _Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious!111 **R u SERiOUS? **


	12. Chapter 12: Vampires will hurt you?

Just a refresher, I am **bold**, Hyde is underline, and Stairsbro is _italics_. There might have been chapters where we've changed, apologies for that.

Chapter 27

AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a f**k wut u prepz fink abot me!1111 so stup flaming da f**king story bichez!1111 fangz 2 raven 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital rraven u rok gurl!11111111111111111111 Wot._2edgy9001me _**This post gave me cancer**

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Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them. **From my herpes **Drako, Lucian, Serious bond Vampire all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine _for the herpes they had received by coming in contact with me_.

"Cum on Enoby." said Proffesor Sinatra. _Like that hasn't been done before… _She was wearing a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it and f**king black platinum boots. _I didn't know platinum came in "f**king black". _ "I have to tell you the f**king perdition." Someone needs a nap!~

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Vampire. They nodded.

I smelled happily How did they smell? and went into a dark room. I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crucible ball. She said… "Tara, I see drak times are near." She said badly. _Whoa! Author cameo…or she just forgot it wasn't about her. _She peered into da balls. _Heh_ "You see, you must go back in time." She took out a Time-Toner **Tone those glutes** like B'loody Mary had. "When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?" I shook my head. "U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it." Really? Well no chance of survival here…

"Okay." I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin. I went outside again sadly.

"What f**king happened?" asked _f**king _Draco and _f**king _Vampire _f**king_.

"Yeah what happened?" _f**king _asked Dark_f**king_ness, Willow and Boldy Mary?

I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. **Of each other… heyyyohh~**Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. A banner was put up. Lotz of f**king prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. Even Mr. Noris looked happy. A blak and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises. Some party. _They must have been planning this for a while…_

I put *snorted on my Invisibility coke with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether. **To what? French passively? **

**Chapter 28:**

AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 F**KENG HELL!1111 U SUK! _No. _fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111 …**I don't want to know what you use that kiwi for… **

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We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath. _One question: How the f**k can you see anything?_

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. So did Drako and Vampire.

"Are you okay?" Vampir asked potting his alb*stard **Born of one… Explains a lot.** hand on mine. He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it.

"Yah I guess." I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick. **You don't smile with lipstick**"The problem is….I have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time"

Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him. What…? **And then they did it..**

"Itz okay Eboby." he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?"

"Of coarse not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked. **NOOOOOOOO OF COURSE NOT **

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly. I'VE NEVER FELT SO LOST.

Then… I took off Draco's MCR shrift **..?** and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a _Sylvester _stallone. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. _The tattoo made all the difference. _Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4). _Friendzone level: a lot._

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif. _Omigad _

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock ***spork** in my you-know-what and passively we did it. _This is giving me a spock. _"Permission to vomit, sir?" 

"I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel." **Feel all of your hideously white skin** he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly….

"WHAT THE F**K R U DOING!"

It was….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111

_F**king_


	13. Chapter 13: Riding Solo?

Alright guys, I'm flying solo.. again. I'm **bold.**

Chapter 29.

**(2edgy700forme)**

AN: sot das fok up!11 ur jus jelouz koz ur prepz so fok u!1111 raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 666!111111111111 **..Does she just copy and paste author notes? Wouldn't surprise me. **

"Oh my satan!1" we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle started to shoot at us angrily. **Oh yes, the stories over! They shot and kil.. oh. Damn it. **

"NOW!1!" Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily. **#creepyteacher101, what kinda school are you running, "dumbledork"?**We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.

"Hey what the f***!111" Vampire shooted angrily.

"Yeah buster ***snorts** what the f*** are u going to do with the camera?" Draco demonded all protective, looking at me Longley **Is that another man? He is cheating on Ebony- OMGAD **with his gothic red eyes. "Look, Dumblehor noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's. So give back da camera!1111"

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly. **When did Snoop Dog get here? **

"Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle. She made us cum **Wrong spelling.. or this story is more messed up then I thought. ** into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. **50 shades of Ebony** Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111). **..That was physically painful to read.**

I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so u!1). Vampire took out a black honkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes.

And then….. he and Snoop both took out guns using magic. They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand. **Wow Ebony, didn't know you could gut on a ballot. Brillant. **

"Crosio!" I shouted. Snap stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. I STOPPED DA CURSE. Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. **Bow-chiicaa-wow~** Den she said "OK Serverus I'm going 2 go now." She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry.

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco. "Evergreen **? **will be all right. Remember the cideo u took of Snake."

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111 **..This is going to turn into Mpreg isn't it? **

**Just a heads up, I'll try to update every week, but no promises. Also, halfway done! (a little more actually..)**


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